This song is wonderful! Check it out if you want a new song to listen to?
Rain
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Disappointment
I sigh, and slowly reach for the white envelope that is enclosed in my dad's fingers, dreading what could be inside, but hoping also. I feel the paper slide between my fingers, and I grab on tighter, pulling it away from him. At this point, I don't know what to think. I'm not sure if I should hope for the best, or be prepared to face the worst. Turning from my dad, I make my way to my bed, the dread starting to build up within my gut. I take my seat and slowly slide my finger along where the flap meets the back of the mail, and I slowly tear it away, revealing the paper inside. My fingers obviously shaking, I grasp the paper and slide it out. As if it's something that could break at too hard of a touch, I carefully unfold the paper, and the butterflies start to dance in my stomach, worry encompassing my whole being. I glance down at the page, and carefully search what I'm looking for, until I find it...
Along the bottom of the paper are the words: 'AP United States History................................................................................................................................................. 1' I take a deep breath as I hear my dad mutter beside me, "Ouch." The worst part is over. The anticipation has ended.
And yeah. Ouch. Because I stayed up until three in the morning sometimes doing the most excrutiating and time-consuming work that I had ever challenged myself to do before in my life. There were days when I would work myself to tears because the stress would just be too much for me to handle, but I would keep doing. And I know that my parents aren't disappointed in me, because they understand how hard I worked toward this exam, but I really can't say that I'm not disappointed in myself. I really thought that I had figured it out, and that I had grown to a maturity level where I could handle this kind of thing. I mean, I would have been proud of myself if I had even gotten a 2 on the dang thing. Then I would've at least felt like I really achieved something. Except, I couldn't even do that. And I know I should be proud of making the effort in the class, and trying my best, and even taking the exam to begin with, yaddayaddaya...and I know I've learned a lot, and that it was a huge challenge for me. But I feel like I failed. Because I did. And I will move on from this, I just needed to vent about it. And I know more opportunities will come for me in the future for things like this, it's just...embarassing above all, I suppose. I had learned so much in that class, and now I get to return to school and admit to everyone else that took the class that I was the student that got a 1. And I can't help but feel disappointed in myself, because I know there were times that I probably could've pushed myself harder, or done that extra work that was assigned to us, and I hadn't. It's also frustrating to know, that I also went over most of the review stuff that the teacher gave us, in my free time, and a lot of other people hadn't, and they probably gained a way higher score than me. It's just frustrating to know, that I can push myself so hard, and do so much work, and learn so much, but still not be as good as others are, and that makes me feel really stupid sometimes.
I'm sorry I haven't blogged in awhile, and I'm sorry it had to be about this, but it was really something that I needed to get off my chest. And I'm starting to gain ideas, but it's summer, and I'm lazy, so I either quit on the idea, or don't even start it. So, I'll try to blog more...if I can.
Along the bottom of the paper are the words: 'AP United States History................................................................................................................................................. 1' I take a deep breath as I hear my dad mutter beside me, "Ouch." The worst part is over. The anticipation has ended.
And yeah. Ouch. Because I stayed up until three in the morning sometimes doing the most excrutiating and time-consuming work that I had ever challenged myself to do before in my life. There were days when I would work myself to tears because the stress would just be too much for me to handle, but I would keep doing. And I know that my parents aren't disappointed in me, because they understand how hard I worked toward this exam, but I really can't say that I'm not disappointed in myself. I really thought that I had figured it out, and that I had grown to a maturity level where I could handle this kind of thing. I mean, I would have been proud of myself if I had even gotten a 2 on the dang thing. Then I would've at least felt like I really achieved something. Except, I couldn't even do that. And I know I should be proud of making the effort in the class, and trying my best, and even taking the exam to begin with, yaddayaddaya...and I know I've learned a lot, and that it was a huge challenge for me. But I feel like I failed. Because I did. And I will move on from this, I just needed to vent about it. And I know more opportunities will come for me in the future for things like this, it's just...embarassing above all, I suppose. I had learned so much in that class, and now I get to return to school and admit to everyone else that took the class that I was the student that got a 1. And I can't help but feel disappointed in myself, because I know there were times that I probably could've pushed myself harder, or done that extra work that was assigned to us, and I hadn't. It's also frustrating to know, that I also went over most of the review stuff that the teacher gave us, in my free time, and a lot of other people hadn't, and they probably gained a way higher score than me. It's just frustrating to know, that I can push myself so hard, and do so much work, and learn so much, but still not be as good as others are, and that makes me feel really stupid sometimes.
I'm sorry I haven't blogged in awhile, and I'm sorry it had to be about this, but it was really something that I needed to get off my chest. And I'm starting to gain ideas, but it's summer, and I'm lazy, so I either quit on the idea, or don't even start it. So, I'll try to blog more...if I can.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)