On My Mind

Why do people always have a hard time accepting other people, or with being accepted themselves?

It's the Little Things

I love days like today. Fantastic, never-ending days that seem to take forever, but you don't care because everything seems to be 'in place' and good. Today was good. It's like a day that I can sit down on the couch at home, take a deep breath, smile, look back on the day and say, "Yeah, today was good. Today was really good." But days like today, they don't come very often. This is the first time I've had a really exciting, good day, in an excruciatingly long amount of time. But hey, eventually it came, and I enjoyed every second of it.
Maybe that's why I enjoy doing things like the musical, because I get days like today a lot more often. It's the social interaction between other people that we crave...and on days like today, that's exactly what I got. At the same time, I felt good about myself, I felt proud of things I had achieved, and I didn't want it to end. But, of course, it has to....
I'm not sure where exactly I'm going with this, but my fingers are moving and thoughts are moving through my fingertips, and this is what's coming out.

Sometimes, I really love people. Sometimes, I really love what people do. Sometimes, I really love what I do with people. Today was a day where I could sit back, relax, and enjoy every second because everything seemed to be going my way.
But why can't every day be like this? Why can't every day be fun and exciting and a great social experience? Blah. I wish. I so wish.
There are some people that say things like "If you believe you're going to have a good day, then you're going to have a good day!" But...I don't really think that's the case. Cause I've tried, believing that it was going to be a great day, truly believing, and it could end up anything but.

You know what I did last night? I read my Bible. It's strange...I said in my sermon, that I wrote awhile ago, that reading the Bible is good meditation time and stuff...and it is, but I also mentioned how it just made me feel better about myself and the things going on around me in general? Well...here's my evidence...at least as much evidence as I could grasp from this.
I have been stuck in strange emotions for the longest time, kind of drifting away from everything I once held on to, not really sure of what to think about current situations, or what emotions were coursing throughout me...everything has seemed meshed up and confused, and I haven't been willing to do anything. Especially not anything that makes me uncomfortable.
But last night I read the Bible, and this morning, I felt great. This day has been fantastic, and I've had this feeling of happiness cling to me all day. I can't explain it. So, that's what I believe...and isn't it just a coincidence that I mentioned earlier that the Bible makes me feel better in general? It's just...so insane to think about.

I feel like I'm ready to do something that I haven't ever really done before, too. I just hope that when the moment comes, I don't chicken out on whatever it is. I can't explain that, either. But I feel like something is coming, and that it's coming fast.

I'm motivated right now, and I'm not entirely sure what it is that I'm supposed to be blogging about, but hey, I know that right now, I really want to blog, so that's what I'm doing?
I suppose I could start by discusses what truly annoys me lately, because it is quite a bit, and after all, this is a blog about my thoughts. Well...where to start? I suppose we can begin with Facebook. I'm not the only one that sees statuses just striving for attention, right? Like when people say things like, "I've had such a hard life lately! My emotions are just ALL over the place and my heart says YES but my head says NO and even if I DID choose 'yes' then I would be heartbroken anyway because the one that I love I have no chance with/doesn't love me back and I know it for a fact!!!!!!!!!" It really bugs me when they say things like that, nd spell thngs lik dis. Then it's just not even worth reading. Okay, sure, I can understand how that could be a difficult situation, but I find it, first of all, extremely surprising how much people are fawning over other people, and acting like their lives are completely over because they can't have what they want. And second of all, we're also in highschool...it's very unlikely we'll find our 'true love' at this time in  our lives, so it just becomes obnoxious to hear everyone complaining about petty issues all the time.
I have also found annoying, since highschool started, how many surprisingly ridiculous and rude people are. And yes, I understand that this is probably something that I'm going have to deal with for the rest of my life. But there are teachers there specifically there, getting paid, to teach us and help us to learn. The least you could do for them is show them some respect. I also find it highly irritating, or have in the past anyway, to be part of an honors or AP class, and have to be learning in a class with some of the most immature people. It's like they're just there to get the weighted grade, and I'm stuck there ACTUALLY trying to put in a effort and learn something from all of it...what's even worse though, is when they get a higher grade than me, when they completely guess on work or tests, and I use ALL my free-time to study my butt off for something that someone easily got, half-assed. ...people also annoy me in general.
It seems like these days, nobody has anything important to say anymore. I mean, yes, I have decent conversations with wonderful people, but most of the time, all I hear about from people around me is "Drama drama drama!!!" Seriously, it's highschool...we were supposed to move on from that crap like, four years ago guys. Maybe the Freshman have just been getting louder or something. I can't wait to graduate and go on to College...but wait! Drama doesn't end there?! Of course not! Because people can't be mature.
I also find it annoying sometimes when people don't realize I'm as old as I really am. Which, seems like a stupid thing to be annoyed by but it's not...not to me anyway. People never realize that I'm a Senior, they don't realize that I can drive, that I'm smart, that I'm going on to College...that I can be a leader...I just...feel like people take me for granted, or disregard me completely...and maybe it has nothing to do with my age but it's really getting on my nerves.
Another thing that annoys me? How much, and how easily I blush. It's like, if someone looks at me, it happens. Which, of course, is embarassing so I blush more. Am I really lacking in self-confidence so much, that I can't talk to anyone without blushing? I mean really...it's embarassing...my whole face gets so red.
Well, now that I've gotten some of that off of my chest...how about I talk about things that I love? I love my family. Period. They've always been there for me. They know how to cheer me up when I'm down, they know how to make me laugh, how to bug the complete crap out of me, how to have fun. My family is everything to me.
I also love my friends. What a cliche thing to say, right? But that's just exactly it. Who doesn't love their friends? They're great for talking to when times are extremely tough and seemingly impossible. They're always reliable, and they've got your back. And it's so comforting to know they're like your safety net, and you can tell them anything and everything.
This will sound weird, but I love making jewelry. I'm taking the class for the first time this year and it helps me to relieve so much stress that has been building up in me, and just helps me to relax. It's completely wonderful, and satisfying to see the piece once it's finished because you know that it was made by you alone, and that it's beautiful.
And, of course, I love blogging/writing. There's so much that builds up in my mind, and eventually it starts to drag me down, and I have to release it somehow. Well, I find that release through blogging...and I'm really happy I did, because blogging is so much easier than writing all of this out by hand. That would just be a pain.
Of course, another thing I love is God. I can't say I'm putting in my best efforts in that area right now. And I know I shouldn't have any excuses for that...but I do have excuses, and believe me when I say that I use them. My heart is heavy right now and I need a ton of release. There's a retreat coming up, and I'll be sure to blog about it, because it has got to be better than last year's was.
I'm still not entirely sure why I wrote this blog, but it was good to talk...even though I'm not actually saying things out loud.
And I guess you know a little more about what goes through my mind when I'm getting really stressed out. :D