Undesired

I wonder how many people feel like they're alone in the wolrd. I wonder how many people suffer from deep pain because they feel like they're being rejected by society. I wonder what drastic measures people will take to make themselves known. And I wonder what drastic measures people might take if they aren't.
Lately, I've felt alone. And not just; meh, there's not any people I really know here that I can really talk to, but like I'm rejected from society. Especially at Highschool. And sure, I've got friends, but for some reason, I haven't been able to really open myself up to anyone. Not like I used to be able to do. I know people out there love me, and I know God loves me. It's just tough sometimes to really feel like they're telling me the truth when they say things like that. At highschool, the only times I really have anyone to talk to is during lunch, and after school at musical rehearsal. I feel like people are too caught up in their lives or their friends, that they don't even realize I need someone too. But then again I feel selfish in saying this, since I haven't really been able to commit to relationships lately. I feel like a horrible friend because I can't focus on things, or I'm uninterested in certain things. And I always wonder why people I've known, or used to be good friends with in the past...why it's so hard for them to just say hi to me. Or maybe they think people say hi to me all the time?
It just feels like everything seems to be falling apart at the worst times possible. The only happiness I feel anymore is during the weekends when I'm spending time with my Lord, and that only lasts for a few days. Then it's back to the regular routine of highschool during the week, of endless hours dragging on, and feeling hurt...or rejected...because everything isn't how it used to be for me. These are just feelings that have been dragging me down, they've been keeping me from enjoying my day, enjoying my week, laughing, and carrying on potential conversations with people. So here I am, trying to let these emotions out I suppose. Now, I'm not saying any of this because I'm going to take drastic measures on myself. I know things that are bad will eventually clear up, it's just taking some time to happen.
There's lyrics by a band that I like that say: "I am often interrupted or completely ignored..." and I guess that's the best way to sum up how I'm feeling lately. I've tried talking to God, but during the week it's always hard to make that contact with Him since that's when everything seems to suck. I also know that half the stuff I'm telling myself is just devilish thought because I know that half the stuff I'm telling myself isn't anywhere close to being true. It's just hard sometimes.
Right now there's a very select few who I know I can definitely turn to in a time of need. I know I have people that I can talk to if I need to talk to someone, but I usually don't. And again, it's back to that holding myself back from people. And I'm not entirely sure why I do it, but I do.

I know, after a time, these feelings will pass. I'm getting closer every day to God and I'm able to pull myself through most of it. I'm working hard to get rid of my bad thoughts, and God is definitely answering my prayers. I just know it will take some time to get through. So for those of my friends that may be reading this, I just want to apologize for the strange way I may have been acting, or not being a complete friend to you. I will be able to again soon. It's just a process I'm learning to fight my way through, and as of late, I'm winning this battle. The Devil is going down.