Negative Thoughts

I'm not entirely sure waht has been happening to me lately; maybe it's my lack of social skills that have me confounded, but I'm always thinking negative things. My friends would even tell me that they wish the ycould feel as positively about things that I can, but I feel like I no longer posess that quality anymore. I'm always brooding about how things are sucking or falling apart, or that things won't get better, even though I know things pass and people move forward in life.

I'm always wishing things could be better but I'm never celebrating current situations. And I always doubt that there's something out there for me but I know there is because God holds a plan for everyone. I guess I'm just becoming impatient trying to decipher what God's call for me is. I mean, I feel like He'll call, I'll pick up the phone, and then all I will hear is the steady hum of the disconnected line on the other side. Maybe I'm not supposed to know what my call is yet? But that doesn't entirely make sense since I'm going to be a Senior? It would just be nice to know what direction I should go in, at least. I don't want to be left behind. And maybe it's just something I need to meditate on for a few hours; I just don't want to make a mistake...

Proverbs 19:20-21 says: Listen to instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future. Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.

I'm also continually getting mixed signs. One day I'll be certain that I want to do Journalism, and then I'll hear somewhere that a college completely got rid of that major because it's a dying career, but then the next day I'll receive college information about an extraordinary media college that specializes in Journalism and such, but then I'll find out that it's a private school that will probably cost a ridiculous amount of money because it's also out of state. Other days I'll be set on being an artist, because there are fantastic in-state schools that I could apply for, and start building a portfolio. But then I get freaked out when I see the reactions on some people's faces when I tell them it might be what I want to do and I become worried because I don't really know what I could do with an art major. So then I worry about after college and wonder where the heck I would get started, and wonder whether or not I could actually support myself out there. So then I wonder if God has something else intended for me after all, because I keep getting mixed signs. And if that's the case, then I hae no idea what He has planned for me after all.

Maybe I'm just thinking on this too much. No, I am thinking on this too much. But it's consuming my everyday thoughts and it seems to be dragging me down because I get worried and confused and disapointed when I don't know what is meant for me, and it's frustrating because it's like a never-ending cycle that keeps stressing me out.

Maybe I have negative thoughts because I can see plainly what other people are capable of, but I can't see what I'm capable of...