Monday, December 20, 2010

Mistakes and Temptations

A black veil slips over my eyes. I take a few steps forward. I've lost all sense of direction and control. There's a weight in my chest that's fallen, making me feel sick to my stomach, making me frozen to the spot. My thoughts are spinning around my head, there's no sense of what's right and what's wrong anymore. I start to feel dizzy, nothing makes sense anymore! My legs start to shake, and I feel another weight drop into my stomach. I fall to my knees. The veil over my head seems to grow darker and darker, blinding me more and more of the reality that's supposedly surrounding me. I try to move my arm to take the veil off but something has frozen me to the spot. My head grows light and my breathing grows shallow. I wobble for a moment, trying to keep my balance, but unsure of which way is up anymore. Losing all control, my body lets go and I tumble to the floor. Blackness surrounds me. I'm no longer in control of myself, and it seems impossible to lift myself up because the weight in my stomach has spread. It's in my arms, my legs, my head, my chest, my back...


Moments pass that seem to me like days, months, years...the thought in my head still don't make any sense, they're just spinning about. I feel another wave of pressure coming over me, but something comes over me...I don't want it to take control of my life. I want to be the one in control. I don't want to be controlled, I want to be the controller. I fight to keep the pressure from making its way to my body, I'm not going to be able to take much more...and then I feel it...


I feel something so faint, that I pass it by as a trick of the mind...but  the feeling lasts....
Somebody is touching my shoulder. Somebody sees me writhing in pain, lost and confused in my thoughts, covered in the darkness surrounding me, and not able to stand on my feet...


Someone cares about me, and with this thought, I push the weights off my body, one by one...they slowly rise, and I can feel the relief seep through me, making me want to get rid of those weights even more...


The hand slowly moves down from my shoulder, where it first touched me, and gently grab my hand. My mind slowly organizes it's thoughts, and I slowly grasp the hand, asking for help. The hand raises my arm, which in turn raises me until I'm back on my knees. I take a moment, and sit, thinking about what I'm doing. I'm finally going to be free of this curse, and my thoughts are finally organized, the weights gone. I take a deep breath, and I move one foot out in front of me, hoisting myself up until I'm stand on both feet again. I feel so light I could fly...


Another few moments go by, but this time the feeling is good. They aren't passing by through my suffering, but my revival. Another touch comes to my hand, and I know right away that it's real. It grasps my hand and though I cannot see it, I can feel someone smile behind the veil that is still over me. As though right on cue, a breath of air comes flowing past me, and all the darkness around me starts to fade away into something beautiful...


Light starts to surround me once more, and I can see clearly everything around me, feeling myself again once more. It's at this point I realize that there is indeed someone standing there, holding my hands, and just before I can speak, they embrace me into a loving hug. I can't help myself, smiling with complete and utter joy. I'm at peace with myself, the curse is completely broken, and I don't have to feel anymore pain...


Just as I open my mouth to speak, the being around me starts to dissaparate, seeming to turn into little beads of water, floating gently away into nothing, and sadness takes over me, but the joy that I had remains...

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